Back Yard of the Universe

The lovely people at Bioware are launching Mass Effect 2, which you may have guessed is the sequel to Mass Effect. Title originality aside, this looks to be an extremely good game and, according to the few reviews I’ve read, improves upon its predecessor in pretty much every way. So, what you waiting for, 360 and PC owners? Go forth and pre-order!

Below is the launch trailer in all its glory. Watch it and be amazed.

You can also find more information about the game at its official site.

The incredibly funny Peter Serafinowicz (surely the most hilarious man ever to have a show called The Peter Serafinowicz Show to not be renewed by the BBC) has added a new section to his web-site, showcasing the products, services and dubious business practices of entrepreneur Brian Butterfield. See it at http://www.peterserafinowicz.com/brian-butterfield/ and glory in its comedy genius.

Please note the following changes to Oxbury area Tortoise Bus services over the festive period:

• A special Christmas Shopper bus will run on 23rd-24th December every ten minutes from Naysboar to Oxbury City Centre.The smallest, smelliest, oldest, dirtiest bus we can find will be used. Don’t complain: it’s your fault for leaving your Christmas shopping until the last minute.
• The 14 service to Fulton will not run on Christmas Day (25th December) or Boxing Day (26th-26th December). It will operate on 27th December (27th December), but no passengers will be picked up and the driver will ‘cock-a-snoop’ to any person who dares flag him down. You have been warned.
• The 128762147 service from Fisherman Park to Stickles Bridge will operate a reduced service from 23rd-29th December. Buses on this route will be 1/8th actual size.
• The 33 service to Oxbury Infirmary will be replaced on Christmas Day by the 33A. The 33A will make an extra stop in Runcorne Avenue to cover the 33B which will not run. The 33A will be replaced on Boxing Day by the 33C, which will not stop in Runcorne Avenue., the 33B being covered by the 33D. The 33D will also cover the 33B on 27th December, as the 33A will not be running and will be replaced by the 33E. The 33C will be covered by the 33F, which will not be running. On 28th December, the 33F will cover the 33, which will be re-routed to cover the 33D and the 33C, which will cover the 33E (which will be covering the 33B). The 33G will not be affected by these changes, except on Boxing Day when it will be replaced by the 33H (no relation).
• Bus drivers on all routes from Naysboar Depot will be wearing fancy dress on December 23rd. Keith Borrall on the 742 service will be dressed as Father Christmas, Stephanie Lomax on the 289412 route will be wearing a Comic Relief red nose she found down the back of the sofa and pretending to be Rudolph, whilst Cecil Harhouse will be reprising his celebrated role from last year as twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords-a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids-a-milking, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens and two turtle doves. Due to contractual obligations, the partridge in a pear tree will be unable to attend. Last year Tortoise Buses raised a whopping £74 which was mostly donated to some charity to do with kids or something. Since the event is for charity, all passengers will find it amusing and endearing.

Finally, please note that passengers are advised not to travel on any buses on New Year’s Day, as all the drivers will be hung over and we know what happened last year, don’t we?

Erm… apologies for the complete lack of any updates for the last few (well, many) weeks. The old usual reasons of too much work, too little energy and that kind of thing have prevented me from typing a web address into my browser and writing some rubbish to go on here. Anyway, I’m back now and that’s the important thing. More stuff will be coming here soon, and I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, by the way, I’d just like to thank all those lovely Russian people who’ve been leaving some nice comments on the site during my absence; I never knew I was so popular over there! Of course, I haven’t got the faintest idea what any of you are on about, but a quick Babel Fish translation suggests that you’re trying to suggest some fantastic products that I could purchase over the Internet on sites that have absolutely-nothing-to-do-with-the-mafia-whatsoever. Thank you very much and I shall certainly take you up on your most generous offers, just as soon as I have my brain removed and replaced with a lemon drizzle cake.

This has been available for ages, but a sudden revisit to the BBC’s Look Around You homepage brought back memories of how funny it is. Diarrhea Dan is a spoof Spectrum game that manages to be much more entertaining than a lot of actual games from the 8-bit era. You can play the game by clicking the link here.

Look Around You was originally written and devised by Peter Serafinowicz and Robert Popper. Long may their genius continue. Thanks guys, thighs*.

*: This works better when read aloud, unfortunately.

Very excitingly, Back Yard has teamed up with somehow-still-open higher education institution Oxbury University to provide you with a series of online learning material that is guaranteed to increase your brainpower by 100% or less!

The first module available concerns languages and can be seen here:

Anybody who’s reading this may have noticed the Daily Trivia facts that have been appearing on the site over the last few days. If these are leaving you hungry for more, I’ve added the fantastic QI.com newsfeed to the bottom of the page. This will only show the most recent item due to space restrictions, but you should really subscribe anyway. Everything there is quite interesting (obviously) and usually quite true. Even the thing about the glass piano.

On this very day in the year 1966, Star Trek first aired on NBC. The first episode shown was ‘The Man Trap’ (or ‘The One With the Monster That Sucks All the Salt Out of Your Body), though of course ‘Where No Man Has Gone Before’, guest starring Gary 2001 Lockwood, was actually the first to be filmed. Well, that’s if you don’t count the unaired first pilot ‘The Cage’ which featured Jeffrey Hunter rather than The Great William Shatner in the captain’s chair.

Happy birthday, then, to one of the best science fiction franchises the world has ever seen. Given the recent incredible success of JJ Abrams’s new film, Trek is also in better shape than it’s been in years. Let’s just hope they don’t do something stupid with the next film (no Khan, hey guys?).

To celebrate, watch this fantastic video that seamlessly combines some classic Trek clips with Monty Python…

There’s surreal and then there’s surreal, then there’s Spike Milligan in Q2, then there’s mind-squirmingly-mad surreal and then there’s this (definitely worth watching, though, if only for the Disco Chicken):

With thanks to @serafinowicz on Twitter for the link.

Welcome to the Back Yard of the Universe. Scattered throughout the binary alleyways of the Internet (which are very glittery and green if you believe The Matrix) are many web sites that provide essential information, or an outlet for democratic thought and freedom of speech, or possibly just succour for the needs of the lonely.

This isn’t one of them.

This is a web site full merely of trivial thoughts and random musings that may be entertaining (but probably won’t be), could provoke thoughts (unlikely) and possibly even spur on debate (no chance). Most of the stuff you’ll find here will probably be a little bit geeky, as befits my nature, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Please. I’ve tried to be cool, hip and ‘down with the kids, daddio’, but in all honesty I’m not very good at it and, besides, it seems an awful lot of effort.

Anyway, I’ll finish this introductory posting here because, let’s face it, the odds of anybody actually reading this are pretty slim indeed. Not that it really matters.  Author David Lodge once wrote that writing that was never read was like masturbation. This was meant to be a bad thing but… well, who doesn’t like masturbation?

Don’t answer that.