Back Yard of the Universe

The Author. Who is he? Or maybe who is she? (It’s a he.) This may possibly be one of the world’s most boring mysteries, only mildly more entertaining than who but the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong. Still, in an effort to add a slight air of the mysterious to the whole thing, and also to help avoid the gaze of the EVIL IDENTITY THIEVES who stalk the Internet, no information of any useful substance shall be revealed here.

Since some of you (like that chap at the back there. The one with the greasy hair poking his nose. You know who you are) may have some passing interest in who wrote all of this, though, here is a list of some of the things that The Author is not:

• A mason;
• A reincarnation of anybody important (as far as The Author is aware);
• Dead (at time of writing);
• Miley Cyrus;
• Miley Cyrus’s dad;
• Miley Cyrus’s mum;
• Any relation to Miley Cyrus whatsoever;
• A cocker spaniel;
• The last of the Mohicans;
• The first of the Mohicans;
• Going to type any more of these.

So, there you go. If you wish to embark upon a quest of discovering who The Author is, perhaps this list will enable you to filter down the list of all the 6 billion-odd (and counting!) human beings on the face of the Earth.

Good luck with that.